Most of the time, when we are hurt, we have given the person hurting us access to do so.   By being vulnerable and taking a risk to love (which required a certain inner strength), we gave them permission to get into our open heart. This is a healthy act, as it is required if we are to experience love.  However, if active hurt happens repeatedly, that relationship may be unhealthy and should end.  Don’t let a person dim the light that lives in your soul. You can decide not to let them dictate your emotional reaction.  It isn’t easy, but it can be done.  Fighting for a relationship with someone who never deserved your strength is pointless.  Just because they are not right for you doesn’t mean someone else isn’t.  You are still someone’s idea of their dream girl/guy. Don’t let the wrong person block the way to the right one.  You can choose to be with someone who deserves you and is ready to appreciate you. Hurt might cause small cracks in your heart, but that is where the light comes in – through the cracks and fills us.

Believe in your ability to love.

If you do the emotional work, you will experience growth.  When it comes, it is usually in small, quiet steps.  These baby steps to healing are an important indicator that you are on the right track.  Some of the changes that can take place are:

1. Recognizing bad habits and unlearning them.
2. Making self care and rest a priority in your life.
3. Asking for help and support.
4. Responding to conflict in a healthy way.
5. Learning from your mistakes.
6. Shying away from toxic people and experiences.
7. Feeling more whole and at peace.
8. Not having judgement about your feelings but understanding they are valid.
9. Changing your choice of words and vernacular to a more compassionate one.
10. Realizing that comfort is not necessarily a good thing – being uncomfortable allows us to grow.

These subtle shifts are not actually quiet – they are screaming to you that you are doing the right things.

We have to walk before we can run.

This is the time to have what I call courageous communication with your family and loved ones.  To promote any kind of change in the world we have to acknowledge it and understand it.

Take the time to talk to your children.  One of the aspects of good parenting allows for a safe space to ask questions, discuss fears, have differing points of view. You might be surprised to learn your kids’ perspectives on sickness, politics, fear, hate, love and much more.

This year is full of challenges, but there can be a message in the mess.  We can all grow, evolve, and become the best people we can be.  Lead your children into being interested and hopeful change agents as an adult.  Lead by example and illustrate an openness to have uncomfortable but necessary talks.  If we all work together with an open mind and loving heart, we can make 2020 count.

There is always a message in the mess.